Today we met Candy and Shane to eat. My children were monsters. I love them dearly but they were monsters!!! I was so angry when I left the restaurant I could have hung them from the highest tree for the rest of the day.
On my way home I started to think why they were being bad. For the most part, their behavior was a reflection of me. I got to the restaurant early. Before everyone else. I need to go to the little girls room so badly that instead of waiting in the car for everyone else to arrive I took them inside. We were in restaurant nearly 20 minutes before any of the rest of the crew arrived. I went ahead and let them eat their food from the local chickfila b/c they hate Kyoto. Poor Bleeze had been in that high chair a hour and half. Eli was probably tired of sitting too. They just were wanting to be children. I as mom was not so keen on allowing them to run around the restaurant.
I started to think. The past two weeks have been kinda emotionally rocky for me.. I may have not been forced to sit in a highchair for a hour and half or sit at the table and be a good, polite little boy for a hour. But I have manged to keep my mouth shut and hold in the emotion of being hurt and lied to. It is hard when you find out that people you loved and cared about really didn't love and care about you at all. I wish I could run around and scream like Bleeze and Gracie. It would be nice to just sit and scream sometimes to the top of my lungs and let the tears fall like those two!!! (Candy said it best, they are kindred spirits LOL) Or be the anxious, fidgety little boy like Eli. Now I am all grown up and I have to be a good girl. That is the thing about kids,...they just show how they feel with no regard to anyone else feelings or standards. It is too bad that I am not a kid anymore. I guess for now I will do what the BIBLE says and just pray for those who have hurt me and the ones I love! God sees all and knows all. He has never left me or forsaken me!!!!